Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with taking on too much responsibility when it comes to other people’s actions. Friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, etc. I would tell myself that it was my ‘job’ to ‘fix’ it. To do something to ‘save’ whatever or whoever it was. Or even to protect people. And this feeling of responsibility weighed heavily on me. It became a huge burden.
With my last romantic relationship, I initially felt like it was my responsibility to ‘fix’ everything and make his life better. Everything seemed ‘hard’ for him and like the world worked against him (in his eyes) – and I just wanted to help. My empathic tendencies were so strong, I completely neglected myself and put all of my energy into taking responsibility for everything that happened to him. It was draining. He began to blame me for his problems. As that relationship wore on, and I realized that it was, in fact, his problem, and not mine. There is more to it than that, but for the sake of this topic, I’ll keep it brief.
After we ended things, I felt a sense of responsibility to save his future ‘victims’ (future love interests). To protect them from the abuse he had put me through. I was holding on to this sense of responsibility for not just him and his actions, but for the women he might be with in the future. It was extremely unhealthy for me. And, again, draining.
This wasn’t the only time I did something like this. It has been a recurring theme in my life with friends and family members. Even if a relationship was completely one-sided, where I put in all of the work, I found myself feeling guilty. As if I should be doing more. Even if a relationship was practically non-existent, I felt it was my duty to ‘make it work’. In the case of one of my parents, (who I had no relationship with growing up) I was holding on to this sense of responsibility – which became a huge burden. I felt that it was my fault and my responsibility to create a relationship with them.
How I Learned to Let Go of Responsibility for Others
So this is what worked for me. I put my trust in the Universe, and imagined that instead of shouldering this entire burden, Spirit was helping me. Instead of holding space, I let Spirit do it so I can relax and let go. This way, I could avoid those feelings of guilt for ‘not caring enough’, and just trust that when the time was right, I’d receive a sign. And it would be easy.
The healing Affirmation that Worked for Me
I have a format that I follow that is easily customizable for whatever situation I am having a hard time letting go of. First, I ask for my guides/the universe/etc. to give me a sign if, in the future, this relationship can be mutually beneficial. Then, I affirm that, until that happens, I am going to release this burden and let go of whatever responsibility I’m feeling. Here’s an example of the healing affirmation I recently did while working on letting go of this sense of responsibility for protecting my ex’s future victims:
If, in the future, I am able to help warn or protect any of his future partners without throwing myself out of balance, the universe will give me a sign, or the women will reach out to me. Until that happens, I release this burden and this feeling of responsibility, knowing that I am doing what I can for this situation.
This type of healing affirmation can be completely customized to suit your unique situation. Maybe your’s reads something like, “If, in the future, this relationship can be mutually beneficial for everyone involved, the Universe will give me a sign…” etc. Or “If, in the future, this person can be a good friend/lover/parent to me, the Universe will give me a sign…” There are a lot of ways to customize this prayer/healing affirmation to suit your needs.
How this Healing Affirmation Can Help
For me, doing a simple affirmation like this was an absolute blessing. By putting my trust in the universe to let me know when I would be able to help in a healthy way, I was able to let go of the burden I was feeling to do something.
Before, when I would just tell myself I needed to ‘let it go’, I would find myself feeling frustrated, not relieved. Or, I’d channel my guilt elsewhere, and begin to feel like I was a bad person for trying to not care. Or for ‘giving up’. But with this, I was able to shift the burden elsewhere. I wasn’t saying, “I’m letting this go forever and I’m not going to bother with it anymore.” I was saying, “When the time is right, and I can be of help without hurting myself, I’ll be open to doing what I can”. I still stayed open to it, but I was able to fully let go of that burdensome feeling of responsibility. It was like, a weight was lifted.
In some cases, it felt like a loss, because I had been holding space for so long. But with this healing affirmation, I just imagined that instead of holding the space myself, Spirit was holding space for me. So I didn’t have to sit with that sense of responsibility day in and day out.
It’s Important to let go of responsibility for others
I highly urge you to give this healing affirmation a try, if you find yourself shouldering some kind of burden. Or if you are the type of person who always feels like they have to ‘fix’ things. Holding onto feelings of responsibility for other people isn’t just unnecessary, it can be toxic and detrimental to our healing process. It can hold us back from serving our highest selves. Learning to let go is a process, but this has been one thing that has been extremely beneficial to me.
This is a technique I learned from Jessica Trickett (Psychic, Medium, Counselor, and Healer). Jessica is an incredible person who has helped me on my healing journey in ways I couldn’t imagine – I highly recommend doing a session with her if you are feeling lost or stuck in your healing process (she also does distance sessions using Skype).
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Mamen says:
Woow! Powerful post! I can relate to this post so much. Thank you so much! I have realized 2 months ago that my boyfriend ( now my ex) is a narcissist and integrated psycopath! A toxic relationship full of bad energy and many problems from his side in which you just give all your energy to make his life better. You feel that responsability. After realizing his pathology, I felt I need to protect the world, the future victims and his family from his narcissist tendency. I know that it is not possible so I started to write in a blog about my process and the past with the narcissist ( in my mother tongue). . My future projects is writting a illustrtaed book with tales, in order to feel I am doing something for future potentials victims.
My attachment and my empathy have played an important role in these 5 years relationship, but I consider them good, I am a human being and humans we feel empathy.
Your healing affirmation and idea of waiting the answer from the universe is new for me but really powerful and it is helping me a lot. Thank so much for your gift!!!
I arrived to you through your hoop tutorials. Also, I ordered you a beautiful large hoop a few years ago!!!
You are giving so much ideas and good vibes through your projects! I thank you so much and I d like to try all the recipes!!!
Remember you have a special light and that what attracts that miserable and toxic people.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!!!
Katie Emmitt says:
Thank you for sharing! You are strong and I am so glad you got out and are putting your energy towards good things and helping people – that is really admirable! <3 I'm glad the affirmation could help as well.
Lindsey says:
Hey Katie, I found you first on your youtube hooping tutorials, now following you on Instagram I see how much more you are offering and it specks to me very much. I have been in a relationship for almost three years now. I have found myself feeling stuck in this place where I want out so badly but still find myself falling right back into it. It had been abusive in the past emotionally and physically. There definitely has been progress made in him getting sober ( he would struggle with alcohol addiction) and recently there has been a pretty big shift in him coming to realize that he needs to treat himself and me better, which he has. I do feel as though it is a co-department relationship and probably has turned into an addiction for me. It is my goal to feel whole inside myself. Realizing my childhood wounds from a alcoholic and distance father and a abusive brother has shaped me into finding a lover who had the same qualities. The thing that keeps me with him is how he can recognize it and make changes for the better. I do think I know what the best thing is for me and to move on so I can truly begin my healing process, it’s just been so hard to let go. Big reason for why I started hooping was to find a new way to love myself and it’s been helping. Reading your story and seeing your healing process along with what you are offering to the world is so inspiring! It’s been helping me see what I have to start doing for myself if I want to become the person I’m supposed to be. Thank you for sharing.